I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
