o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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