do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
