xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
