I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
