he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
