I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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