i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
