to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
