His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I smell like Dick and happiness
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
