im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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