Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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