New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
