Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
