Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
