ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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