What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
