she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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