you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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