honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You ate ashes out of my bong
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize