I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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