Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
