I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
