Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can I color on your dick again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
