Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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