Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
