I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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