i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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