Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
