i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
