Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
