3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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