Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
