I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
