i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
