didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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