Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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