Don't make out with my wife yet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
