i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
