your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
