brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
