i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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