So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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