I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
