btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
