remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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