google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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