my soul wont recognize me after tonight
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
