Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
