I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
