i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize