the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
