i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
