my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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