Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
