You're so nebulous sometimes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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