hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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