I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
