I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
