I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
