I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
