did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
