The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He better not be in your backpack
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
