You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize