I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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