and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
