Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
