Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize