The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm at about main and main street
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
